Day 1762 - Healer

A friend came over for supper a few months ago and handed me a book: “Read it. Maybe it will help you. You could go and see him”, she said to me. The book was called The Link. “He” referred to Matthew Manning, author and healer.

I never thought I would find myself resorting to a healer, but after nearly five years of constant headache, one tries to experiment with everything, in the hope that the wretched beast will depart for good. The book recounts Matthew’s highly unusual poltergeist disturbances as a child, and his capacity later to heal people with his energy.

Needless to say, I was reluctant to go but thought I’d give it a try. My friend had been severely ill as a young girl, so much so that she missed months of school. Matthew miraculously healed her, and since then she feels like she has had her life back. Maybe he could miraculously cure me too.

I drove for a long five hours to reach Devon, on the southwest coast of England, for my first appointment. I found Matthew to be a warm, welcoming man who immediately made me feel at ease as soon as I walked into his little studio. There was nothing in the room, except for a reclining chair that was placed in the very centre, in which he asked me to sit. The session lasted about thirty minutes. Matthew’s hands rested against my temples for the duration. My eyes were closed, and I remained immobile as his hands moved around my head. “It’s not your stomach”, he told me. “It may be something out of place in your jaw, but I can’t feel anything… strange”.

I returned later that day for a second session, which unfolded in exactly the same manner as the first. I was asked to return a few weeks’ later.

The headache seemed to fluctuate in intensity over the following weeks, but who knows whether it is connected with what Matthew did to me. I drove all the way back to Devon for my third and final session.

Over one month has now passed since, and I am afraid to say the headache is still very much there, with a life of its own, making itself very much present all day and all night long.

Day 1688 - TMJ Attempt 2

I don’t think words are quite enough to explain how sick I am of this wretched headache. It lurks, it hangs around, it’s always there – what does it want from me? I just wish I had an answer. I still remain firmly convinced that there must be a reason for this pain. If your body is screaming out, it’s telling you something is wrong. But what?

The neck scan I had a while ago came out fine. No surprises there. I have been seeing the kinesiologist regularly and had some ups and downs since one of our most intense sessions a few weeks ago, when doing some work on my jaw. Could it be the teeth grinding? I had my jaw professionally checked years ago at a dentist’s clinic when the headache started. All manner of little prods and machines were placed around my mouth but all the results came out negative. I thought I’d go and get checked again, as after over four years of having a constant headache, maybe something was going to show up.

“Eat softer foods and come back and see me in two months” is what I heard. I nearly asked this “TMJ specialist” who, may I point out, is younger than me (hardly much of a specialist), to repeat. “I have had a constant headache for four and a half years”, I tried to explained to him. “I don’t think it will mysteriously disappear over the next two months, as much as I’d like it to.” And so I left, clutching a pointless piece of paper with an appointment to go back in September.

Day 1564 - Another to add to the pile?

Dashed hopes, yet again.

Last week I went to see a physiotherapist whom a friend swore by. Apparently he has cured all sorts of “incurable” patients, including a little boy who could barely walk. The child was up and running in no time after seeing him on a regular basis for a few weeks.

I immediately liked the doctor when I saw him, which I think is of great importance when it comes to treatment. He exerted pressure on my headache point and looked at my neck and jaw. He looked at me and said “I am 95% sure I know what it is. You’ll be fine” My immediate reaction was to tell him not to be overly confident given that I have been battling with this monster for over four years. Nonetheless, a little part of me deep inside wanted to sob with joy. All sorts of rhetorical questions flew around my mind: “Can you imagine if in two weeks you don’t have a headache?!”, “What will it be like?!” I even set myself all sorts of goals if the headache left me for good.

My second (and so far last) session a few days ago had a slightly different outcome. I told the doctor that there had been no difference in the headache since the first session. In fact, if anything, it had got slightly worse. He played around with the headache again, hitting the exact spot. As he was manipulating me, I could tell that he was also baffled.

“My patients all notice a difference after the first treatment. Come back next week for the final one, but if it hasn’t gone by then, then I can’t help you”. That was the end of our session. At this comment I also felt like crying, yet this time out of despair and disappointment. I warned him, “I told you I am an unusual case”.

I now feel indifferent at the third session which will take place in a few days. I would love to believe the headache will go away but I can’t imagine it will do so given that there has been no difference in the last two weeks. As I left I thought about an interesting fact that my mother told me years ago and which I believe I have mentioned in a previous blog post. In ancient times, Chinese doctors were only remunerated once they cured a patient. If they didn’t cure them, then that meant they didn’t carry out their job properly and thereby didn’t get paid. Should it not be like this now, especially after having been given dashed hopes, yet again? I thought to myself, what am I paying for here? For another sheet to add to my headache folder?