Sunday, 11 September 2011

Day 995 - Chronicity & Anger

"Just as sure as the sun comes up, a person living with chronic pain will have good days and bad days. The good ones are good but the bad ones,

...Oh Boy!

Chronic pain consumes your every thought, your entire being.

Nothing hardly can enter your mind but getting this beast under control. Control is what the chronic pain sufferer is seeking and nothing else.

You are desperate for others to understand what and why this is happening.

They think that you are faking or that you are seeking sympathy because you can’t be hurting for that long and have tried everything the doctor has given you.

It makes you feel lost, disconnected or even alone.

Chronic sufferers aren’t mad at you, it’s the pain they are angry at. They lose so much of their own identity."*


I cannot believe it’s nearly been three years.

In the past few days the headache has increased to a 4/5 out of 10. For the first time in months.


And as usual one forgets what a bloody nuisance it is having a strong headache. How you think about it every second and how it gets in the way of what you’re doing. How it makes you more tired. How you just want to lie down and close your eyes and hope the pain will go away. Hope that the bitch of a headache (excuse the language but this is what I refer to It in my thoughts) goes away.

I have tried being ‘nice’ to It, tried being ‘friends’ with It as I was advised to do a couple of years ago. ‘Befriend the headache!’ Well, I have tried and it makes no difference. It is driving me up the wall. I cannot stand it anymore. I hate it. If it were alive I would shoot it. Squash it. Kill it.